How to Celebrate Mother's Day
1. Wake up late.
2. Forget that it's Mother's Day. Blame it on being sick for the past 3 days and fact that you are living outside US so you weren't bombarded with ads everywhere.
3. Run with son to local smoke shop/bodega to find a card for your wife. Buy a blank card. Look for something else to buy. Maybe a pack of cigarettes or cigar?
4. Run to other shops to find flowers. Nope, no one sells flowers in this town, somehow.
5. Walk past house with beautiful flowers in window boxes.
6. Rip those flowers out to create lovely bouquet.
7. Run away. Someone is yelling at you from upstairs window.
8. Yell, "Sorry, but I need these for the best mom in the world." Put them in a vase.
9. Decorate the blank card you bought with your son.
10. Have son give flowers and card and cigarettes to your wife. Watch her eyes light up. Yep, she loves them all. The handmade card, the ripped up flowers, the smell of tobacco.