I Don't Know How to Parent

Like this morning, for example.

I woke up and went to the bathroom.

My son followed me.

I could tell he really had to go pee. I did too.

"It's okay, you go first," I said.

"No," he screamed. "I want my pee to be on top of your pee."

"No, you really need to go," I said. "I can tell. You go first."

"No, no, no. I want my pee pee on top of your pee pee!"

Is there a book that describes all possible scenarios and suggested responses?

That would be helpful so I would know what to say to make your child who is screaming at you in your bathroom at 7am in the morning go pee.