My Sister Is Visiting Us

She flew in from the East Coast last night.

She is very high maintenance.

She demands everything be perfect and to her exact liking.

She only wants to eat at the best and fanciest restaurants.

She demands that only the most attractive Spanish men fawn over her.

She only wants to eat breakfast in bed and wants me to stand next to her waving a fan to gently cool her.

"I can't do this," I say. "You're going to have to fend for yourself."

"How dare you?" she screams. "I flew all the way here from Maryland and this is how you treat me. I should have just gone to Annapolis for the weekend."

"Annapolis is a pretty cool city," I say.

"I know," she says. "They have really good crab cakes."

"It's hot in here," she says. "Isn't is supposed to be winter? Please keep fanning me."  

"Sure," I say. "Whatever you need."