My Son Is Demanding We Buy Him a Sword

He wants a real sword.

Not a stick fashioned to look like a sword.

Not a pretend sword.

Not some cardboard cutout of a sword.

A real sword, damnit.  

What does he want with it?

He wants to be a pirate.

"You're going to need a ship too," I tell him.

"Yes," he says.

"So you need a real boat and a real sword."

"Yeeah," he says.

So I'll be on Amazon tonight looking for a real boat and a real sword.

Please let me know if anyone has those items.