Things I Say to My Son After Not Sleeping for 24 Hours

What happens after you travel for twenty-fours straight from Barcelona to New York to Los Angeles and just as you are drifting off to sleep in your hotel room, your son, who managed a few long sleeps during the travel, starts to jump on you.

"Seriously? Seriously?"

"Please stop."

"For the love of God, please stop."

"If I don't get some sleep now I'm going to start hallucinating."

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, for the love of God, I am not a human trampoline."

I would never survive torture if sleep deprivation was used. "I'd be like, Here is everything you want to know, I really need a solid eight hours."