I always sort of considered myself good-humored and easy going, but that was all a mask. I was just ignoring my wants and not stating my desires and needs because I didn't like conflict and was a people-pleaser. Now I'm grumpy. People ask me how I'm doing.
"Terrible," I say. "Terrible."
People ask me what's wrong?
"You know somedays when you just feel like shit?" I say. "And you don't exactly know why?"
They look down or away, uncomfortable.
"I'm fine," I say. "I'm just kidding. Everything is great. Everything is fabulous. I don't wake up in the mornings feeling empty, depressed. Everything is just fucking fantastic. See, would I be jumping up and down like this if I wasn't ok? Would I be shouting like this if things weren't normal? Would I be screaming at the top of my lungs if everything wasn't just swell? Would I be using words like 'swell' if things weren't hunky-dory? Jesus, I love life and I love living. Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Let me give you a hug. Would I be squeezing you this tight if I wasn't perfect? Okay, bye. Bye now. See you soon!"